Inspired from a group coaching session earlier today and a Blogging101 assignment that suggested a daily prompt, of which I chose Ready, Set, Done.
I’ve always believed God and the Bible are true, and that God loves me. Until last year, I never experienced or felt God’s love and many Bible verses about God being the source of our strength and peace didn’t seem true based on my real life. I had to choose to have faith in my belief, even though I felt differently and didn’t have proof or evidence based on what I saw. I was taught that I couldn’t trust my feelings and that feelings will come after a while but can have peace now. I now think this is true (that I can’t go by feelings for what’s true), but not in the same context as how it was meant from the people who told me before.
I like word pictures to help explain. If you were taught that the sun exists but you’d only seen cloudy days, you would have to choose to believe the sun existed based on information outside of your experience. If you had a teacher who gave you a lot more homework than the rest of your classmates but she said to trust her and just do it, you’d have to decide if you believed she had your best interest at heart and a reason for the homework that you didn’t currently understand.
With me and God, it’s been like being in what feels like an abusive relationship with someone who writes the most eloquent love letters to me in French. I don’t speak French. The Bible is either true or false. If it doesn’t seem true, I can choose to believe that it’s true but I don’t feel like it is based on the conclusion that my perspective is skewed. I know my perspective has been skewed on other things in the past, like that I’m fat. I can feel fat, look in the mirror and see fat, and interpret the number on the scale as being fat. I know it wasn’t true, but I felt it was to the core of my being.
I’m coming back to explore this more, so it’s just part I. When I reread what I wrote, I see that the sentences are much longer than my typical public writing. It’s more how I write in my journal because no one has to decipher it. I hope it’s understandable enough to evoke your own deep line of thinking.