My idea for last week’s habit of identifying feelings as they surface was to keep a journal throughout the week. While I did log several feelings I want to explore, I honestly wasn’t as structured with my tracking as I’d planned. I’ll have to address the feeling of laziness!
A lesson I’m learning from pursuing an understanding of what I feel, is that living on autopilot is easy and I’m jolted when coming off of that mode! I consider myself to be pretty self aware, but see that I assume way more than I realized. Of the top, strongest feelings I identified this past week, I either hadn’t previously recognized them at all or they ended up being different feelings than I thought they were.
By deciding to play detective with my feelings, it was necessary to let them happen. It’s not easy or fun to deal with feelings, and most people opt to ignore or numb them instead. Food is my drug of choice. It serves as a muffle and keeps me from fully living in reality.
The best outcome from going off autopilot was uncovering a truer version of myself. I’ve lived with the sense that I have a potential, true self whom I’ve buried. Allowing myself to feel, even when those feelings are painful, uncomfortable, or confusing, has been liberating!
There is often excitement from something new that’s separate from the new thing, which is part of what I experienced earlier in the week. Toward the end of the week, letting myself feel instead of numbing with food was a more difficult choice. While I could hide behind my virtual mask, I would rather openly admit that I chose to numb instead of feel a few times. I’m also choosing to not wallow or consider myself a failure and give up completely! I see it as an opportunity to continue learning about myself. It also highlighted the contrast between the choice of feeling or numbing, and I was more aware of the consequences of numbing. I miss the self I’m discovering when I’m in the muted version of me. With numbed feelings, I lose my creativity and passion.
I’m adding an easier habit this week for the sake of staying on course of another habit, and because I’m going to dig further into the feeling habit another week. The habit for week 3: drink a shot of apple cider vinegar in the morning 🙂